Over the course of my life, I have lost touch with a lot of things about myself. It’s hard when you lose a piece of yourself. It leaves you feeling pained and empty. Like a void that can’t be filled. I know that everyone has problems, and I don’t consider mine above anyone else’s. But my problems are just that; they’re my problems. Do I think my problems are important? Yes, and I very well should; because if you don’t love yourself, how can you love another person unconditionally? I have a 5 year old daughter, a fiancee, a dog, a bearded dragon, and a baby on the way. I’m never going to be able to live up to taking care of them all if I can’t look myself in the eye and tell myself that I’m worth it. The first step is always the hardest, and this is MY first step. Unfortunately, this is a first step that I’ve tried to take over and over, and over again. So many blogs have been created, forgotten, and then lost in cyberspace because I just couldn’t keep up with them. I just hope this one is different. I need this one to be different; otherwise I’ll just be stuck in an endless cycle of depression, anger, and anxiety. The problem is, I don’t even know where to begin. Do I start with my life story? Recent events? Past events? The most traumatizing events? Should I write chronologically? Or just write about whatever comes to my mind first? Should I write about the things that hurt me the worst, or the things that have hurt me badly, but not enough to make any major changes to my overall being? I guess I’ll just start with the main reason I’m creating this blog.
I’m starting a journey of Personal Development. My entire life has been thrown for a loop in the recent years and I’ve fallen farther and farther from myself. I can’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. The purpose of this blog isn’t so much for other people, as it is for myself. If other people like it, or choose to read it, then that’s fine. Sometimes I may sound whiney or complainy, and sometimes what I say may resonate with some people. Whatever the case, this is for me, and sure, it maybe difficult to deal with some of the comments from others, but that’s what happens when you put your entire life out in public like this. My personal development will be more than just mental or emotional, however. It will involve physical and spiritual development as well and yes, it’ll take time, and maybe it’ll never end. But I know what I want out of it: I want to become the person who I’ve always wanted to be. Though, if you were to ask me right now, I wouldn’t be able to tell you exactly who that person is yet, because I don’t even know, myself. I have an idea of who I want to be, and I’m sure that idea will change as my personal development journey continues and shapes who I am into who I’ll become.